Naruto vs Neji -sparks of insanity
by S4A4M
Summary: It's night, the moon is shining brightly... the Author has a moment of insanity and this is the result


It would never happen, one might say. Circumstances that created this story should never happen but they did. Here, in the area of fantasy, where subconsiousnes and consiousnes meet for an 5 o'clock tea and the twilight zone is but a setting. A story of madness, alcohol induced musings and crazy ideas. Welcome to the funfiction zone!

* * *

"Ready, kiddo?" Sam asked looking him over.

"I was born ready, dattebayo!"he laughed, "Let's get this show on the road!"

"Just remember, you promised me entertainment. Don't just beat the crap off the poor sod."

"Sure, after all what's a circus without the ring master?" he smirked, "Right?"

"Go." she just smiled at him, as he went to the contestants area.

'Hmm, Naruto's entertainment, ha? I can't wait!'

-I'm a line-break-

Well, as history knows Naruto Uzumaki may not have been a master of genjutsu. Oh, let's be honest, he sucked at it. But he could do a Henge, and a great one at that. Animated and non-animated. And so the legend began….

-I'm a line-break-

The match was called and Sam turned her eyes towards the arena.

Naruto made a five clone attack as his opening move. Of course Neji fell for the trick, and as he moved for the 'kill' of 'the clone-turned original' it puffed out of existence. An eerie silence filled the stadium.

Neji, confused, turned left, then right. Then did a 360' looked up and down. Finally he turned to the proctor.

"He's not here."

Hayate Gekko, the proctor for the chuunin exams, coughed once then twice, looked around for any sign of the boisterous blonde then as loudly as he could, without outright yelling, said:

"If the contestant is not in the stadium at the time of his/her fight he/she will be disqualified. So…"

Whatever else he wanted to say was lost because of a sudden snapping sound. There was a crack then… BOOM! Blue light flashed once then again… and a big, metallic, smoking wheeled box appeared coming right from the eastern wall!

The thing hummed and cracked and whined then came to a stop. There was a pause, as everyone was holding their breaths. Suddenly the thing opened at the right side and a shortish, brown haired teenager came out looking totally flabbergasted. He wore blue jeans, a black muscle shirt and a red and yellow puffed vest. He took a second to slowly look around then shook his head.

"Doc?" he asked looking back inside the strange box.

He slapped his forehead then disappeared inside only for the left side of the box to open in a similar fashion and a white haired, older looking guy to appear.

"Great Scott!" he exclaimed, taking in their surroundings.

"Yeah, doc." said the young one, "I think something went wrong."

The older one nodded his head then disappeared into the box again and sound of beeping rummaraging and all out brainstorming were heard.

The teenager shook his head fondly then eyed the crowed that stared at him in wonder and shock.

"Oh! Sorry guys! Just a little malfunction. We'll be out of your hair in a sec. Don't let us distract you from… well, whatever you guys were doing." he blanched then ducked inside the thingy. "DOC!"

"Aha!" a triumphant noise was made by the reappearing older stranger. "I've got it!"

The front of… whatever that was went poof and opened. The 'Doc' guy came around the front and fiddled with a few things, whamming a hammer here and there. Finnaly after a minute or so he shut the front right down.

"Well," he turned to the stadium, "sorry for the trouble. We'll not interfere with whatever any longer. Time to go! Matt! set the time again, 2025, March 25! Let's go!" and he dived into the strange metal thingy. "Back to the future!"

The boxy thingy started moving, way faster then before, scaring both Hayate and Neji out of the way, gaing speed as it went and finally in a boot of blue light and a cracking sound disappeared in the west wall leaving fire tire tracks behind.

For a long while the whole stadium stared at the wall in wonder, no one even blinking once. A minute passed then another, and the next. Ten minutes later the noise was unbearable. Everybody screaming and shouting. Just as the Hokage was trying to warp his mind around the apparent misfortunate time travelers a high, female scream pierced the air.

From the little tree area in the north part of the arena a line of disturbed earth started to form. It wandered around the arena a bit, eventually coming to a stop not ten feet from Neji….

And then… a big, gray something jumped from the ground landing just beside the hole. Both Neji and the proctor took defensive stances as all other ninja in the stadium tensed. Only to stare bellivered at the five feet tall, grayish rabbit-like thing, being, wearing a lifebuoy and munching on a carrot.

"Acapulco here I come!" yelled the 'rabbit', and came to a stop when it looked around.

A frown made itself shown on it's face as he took in the surrounding area.

"Hey, this is not Mexico." The thing patted its chest a few times before pulling out a piece of paper, which turned out to be a map, with an ACME sing on the back. He…it… the rabbit studied the map for a minute carefully, then hummed putting it back. "Must've taken a wrong turn at Albucarke… again! Damn that town, always making me lost. Must be a virtual black hole! No matter which turn I take I always end up not where I wanted to be!" he, it, he exclaimed, then turned to the gapping Hayate. "Excuse me! Could you tell me the way to Acapulco? Should I take the first right or the forth left turn at Albucarke? Because last time I took a wrong turn there I had a close up with the Frankenstain moster and I'd rather not do that again anytime soon." he offered the apparent map to Gekko. The man was so stunned that he even forgot his coughing problem (or so it seemed) while he stared at the rabbit.

"Ummm, What's up, Doc?" asked the rabbit. "Do you know the way or not? Because, you know this is my paid vacation time I have this really nice…"

Right then he was disrupted by an whirling noise, coming out from the hole. A second later a shape came out. it was a big black duck with an orange flat beak and a wearing frown.

"Bugs!, Bugs Bunny! Where do you think you're going, hmm? Get back here this minute!" it yelled, pointing it's finger at the rabbit. "This isn't time for a vacation! We have an alien invasion on our hands!" it sighed "again., They want to build a gas station over our homes, Bugs!"

"Duffy! Calm down! Now tell me again that all slowly." smoothed the rabbit.

"Alien Invasion, Bugs! Again!"

"Again?! What do they need this time?! Money? Power? Screwdrivers?"

"Actaually they challenged us to a baseball match." said Duffy.

"Great, just great! Why now? I just wanted a little vacation." screamed the rabbit " Couldn't they pick a better time?!" he tapped his foot as if someone would show up and answer those questions.

Finally he sighed folded the map again and turned to the still stone stunned Hayate.

"Well, sorry doc, Seems like I have things to do. Gotta go. See ya docs!" he waved at the crowd, grabbed the duck and pulled them both back down the hole they came from. The ground moved a bit again and they were gone.

The silence rang through the stadium again. it lasted maybe a minute when the ground moved again. This time a little girl, maybe six of age came out. She wore a green summer dress and black shoes. She took one look around then her eyes settled on Neji. Then an ear piercing shout rang and she shot out and wrapped her arms around Neji's neck.

"Oh! A blind boy!" the girl shouted, "Don't worry Elmyra will take care of you. Elmyra will love you and hug you and pet you and call you George! "she squeezed tighter with each word and Neji started to turn blue. "Now come on! You're dirty, but don't worry! Elmyra will take you home and even find you something to wear! This bath robe just has to go!" She declared and before anyone could move even an inch to stop her she dragged the stunned unresisting boy with her to the hole in the ground, disappearing from sight…

At that suddenly Naruto appeared on the arena, looking franticly around.

"Hey, hey! What's up? Where's Neji? What about our fight?" he shouted loudly.

-I'm a line-break-

'Good one, kiddo!' Sam thought as she fought very hard to not laugh out loud. As the crowd came out of the stupor, the proctor calling for order, the ANBU shuffling franticly around, the Hokage trying for a politely puzzled look and the Kazakage stammering over his words.

'Nothing like a little Henge and a bit of dramatics to keep the public entertained' smiled Sam.

-I'm a line-break-

Just as everyone started to settle down Naruto poffed out of existence and another one jumped out of the hole in the ground along with a tied up, beat up Neji in tow.

"Pfff," he spluttered and spit a few times. "I hate ACME!" he pushed Neji on the ground and went about patting the dirt out off his clothes. "Hey! You, Proctor! You're gonna call the match or not?" he called "I didn't pull that off just to entertain you guys, you know? That was a lot of Henge's a ton of chakra."

-I'm a line-break-

"Winner, Uzumaki Naruto!"

"And you know it, doc!" munch, munch "Damm that's a good carrot!"


End file.
